News flash! Biden’s family decides four more years of a Biden presidency would be good for them

In the aftermath of Joe Biden’s catastrophic, no-good, debate/debacle last week, he met with his trusted advisors to decide whether to drop out of the race.

You might ask, who are those trusted advisors? Barack Obama and Michelle? Hillary Clinton and Bill? Surely, seasoned Democrat politicians like Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer, right? Maybe some big donors and fundraisers and pollsters?

No, no, no, no, no, no way, and hell no. He instead met with his family.

Before you think how sweet, let’s review the curricula vitae of this crew.

First, there’s First Son, Hunter. His resume shows most recently a felony gun conviction for which he’s awaiting sentencing that could be as much as 25 years in the federal pen.

Upcoming is his trial on tax evasion. The taxes he evaded are on the proceeds of his influence-peddling schemes where he sold access to Dad to foreign companies and governments, including China (notwithstanding Dad’s denial that he ever got money from China).

It gets worse. The guy is a documented dead-beat, paternity-denying dad who contends he doesn’t even remember his months-long affair with the mom – which might actually be true since he’s also a chronic crack addict. He was recently disbarred from the practice of law, not that he ever really practiced law.

Then there’s the First Daughter, Ashley. She would be a certifiable nobody but for the fact that her diary was stolen – a diary in which she wrote about how her dad used to join her in the shower when she was a little girl.

Then there’s the First Brother, James. He’s second only to Hunter in monetizing Joe’s political offices as Senator, Vice President and now President. He’s raked in millions. He once told the principals of a company he invested in not to worry about finances because “We’ve got people all around the world who want to invest in Joe Biden.”

Then there’s Navy. She’s the illegitimate and disowned daughter of Hunter. Navy’s mom had to sue Hunter for child support. The mom won. Then Hunter failed to pay the ordered support, still claiming he was not the father even though DNA tests proved he was.

Joe pretended for years that Navy didn’t exist. He spoke of his six grandchildren, conspicuously leaving out the seventh, Navy. To this day, neither Joe nor Hunter has ever mentioned Navy or publicly acknowledged her.

I doubt five-year-old Navy was present at the all-hands-on-deck Biden family meeting to discuss whether Joe should stay in the race, since Joe and Hunter not only disowned her, but never owned her to begin with. I hope she was there, however, as she would have been the adult in the room.

Then there’s the First Wife, who is actually Joe’s second wife. The first wife died in a car accident when she pulled out in front of a truck. Never one to miss the opportunity to capitalize politically on a family tragedy, Joe has been lying ever since that she was a victim of a drunk driver. In truth, the accident was her fault, and the truck driver tested negative for alcohol.

It’s difficult to call the second First Wife the First “Lady,” given that her relationship with Joe started when she was still married and living with her first husband.

Second First Wife “doctor” Jill is a doctor. Sorta. She’s not a medical doctor, mind you. Nor does she have a Ph.D. She has a doctorate in education. It’s a Ed.D. That’s pronounced “Eddie.” The second First Wife is an “Eddie.”

She even wrote a doctorate thesis. Sorta. It has a typo in the first paragraph. She asks to be addressed as “doctor.” The poodle press dutifully complies because she’s married to a Democrat President. Heck, they’d address her as “Your Royal Highness” if she asked them to.

Speculation abounds that it is second First Wife “doctor” Jill who’s running the White House. Indeed, Joe’s sophomoric speeches have the look of an amateur, self-important, would-be speechwriter who makes typos in a bogus doctoral thesis.

So, that’s apparently the cohort of family members who met to discuss whether Joe should continue to be president for another four-plus years in the wake of his big reveal last week to 51 million Americans that he’s semi-somnolent. Those are the people whose judgment Joe Biden trusts in deciding the fate of the United States of America.

The family had two alternatives to choose from.

Alternative One: “Well, it’s been a good run,” they could tell themselves. “We made tens of millions of dollars and hobnobbed around the world. But the jig’s up. They’re onto us. And Joe is senile. He just might say or do something that puts us in jail. Besides, Joe is actually endangering the country. Remember the nuclear button and all that jazz. By the way, where did he leave that thingamajig?”

And so, they could say to Joe, “We love you and you’ve done a fantastic job as President. But we don’t have that many years left with you. Please quit this crazy race. We know you’re strong, but let a younger man take the helm. Let’s spend some time on the beach together.”

Alternative Two: “Hey, raking in tens of millions of dollars for doing nothing is nice, and we’d like it to continue,” they tell themselves. “And besides, if it ends now, then we might not get a Presidential pardon. The nuclear button? Aw, let the White House aides keep track of the slippery thing.”

And so, they could say to Joe, “We love you and you’ve done a fantastic job as President. The country needs you for another four years (and so do we). I know it’s a sacrifice to live in the White House with great food, comfortable digs and etc., but for the country (and us) you should do it for another four years.

Guess which alternative they chose.