Fani for Vice President!

...or Broncos quarterback?

The sun is setting on Fani’s career as a lawyer, and she’ll be seeking other career opportunities.

First, let’s recap why her law career is ending.  

Fani’s case against Donald Trump includes a preposterous RICO charge for violating the racketeering laws. Fani has no expertise in that arcane law, so she hired her boyfriend and paid him three-quarters of a million taxpayer dollars for his expertise. Never mind that he, too, has no such expertise, having never tried a RICO case.

The scheme worked well for Fani and the boyfriend, for a while. The boyfriend took Fani on expensive vacations to exotic places, paid for by the taxpayer money he received from Fani’s office. Fani says she always paid him back for her half, but the payback was in untraceable cash that she kept around the house. There’s no bank record of her withdrawing that cash, and no bank record of him depositing that cash.

To casual observers, and, more importantly, to the judge, this all looked a little crafty and grafty.

So, Fani submitted a sworn affidavit to the court and then testified for hours under oath concerning her hiring of the boyfriend. A key element of her testimony was that their affair began only after she hired him. She explained, in essence, that she did not hire her boyfriend; she merely boyfriended her hire. This distinction seemed to make a difference to her.

Her testimony was dripping with faux outrage that anyone would accuse her of any impropriety. She was not the one on trial, she shouted. It was Trump’s lawyer (not just Trump) who should be on trial as a “threat to democracy.” And a racist, of course.

The story she confected about the boyfriend was pretty implausible, and I predicted days ago that the judge would not buy it. He would disqualify her from the case.

For Fani, things since then have taken a sharp turn for the even worse.

In some admirable sleuthing, Trump’s lawyers got an expert to examine the phone records of the boyfriend. The records showed that the boyfriend spent the night at Fani’s house (or at least in the vicinity — the records cannot pinpoint the precise location) several times well before he was hired even though Fani swore that they didn’t get romantically involved until after she hired him.

Moreover, the phone records showed some 2,000 telephone calls and an amazing 12,000 text messages between the two over an 11-month period prior to the date she hired him.

Do the math. That’s an average of about six telephone calls a day. And an amazing 30 texts a day. Now I see how the boyfriend racked up huge billings to her office – 24 hours in a single day in one instance. This woman is very high maintenance.

It will be amusing to see the content of the 12,000 texts, which the phone company presumably has on file on a server somewhere.

Fani’s contention that she was not romantically involved with the boyfriend during that period is obviously a lie, and telling it under oath constitutes perjury. Maybe even a RICO violation!

A hearing is set for Friday, at which I’m sure the judge will announce Fani’s disqualification from the case. However, she’ll probably withdraw from the case this week prior to the hearing so that she doesn’t have to re-double-down with her perjury, in the hope that the judge will then vacate the hearing as moot.

But that won’t end the matter. An investigation is underway by the bar Ethics Committee. Lawyers lying to judges under oath is frowned upon. The Ethics Committee will likely slam her – perhaps into the slammer. She should certainly be disbarred, and could be prosecuted for perjury and serve jail time.

What will she do then?

Here’s an idea. She could get a job on The View! She could be the legal expert explaining how people who disagree with the liberal line are racist threats to democracy. I know, I know, the show already has half a dozen people to say that, but Fani says it with such aplomb.

Or she could tag-team with the Black lesbian White House Press Secretary. Both are clumsy but accomplished bald-faced liars.

How about a job with the circus?

Maybe she could co-write a book with OJ Simpson.

Or maybe a professional wrestling gig in a thong? Ugh, that’s an image I can’t unsee.

Quarterback for the Denver Broncos?

Vice President? President? I sincerely believe she would be better and smarter than the ones we currently have. And more honest and less corrupt.

Maybe she’ll just retire. Financial disclosures show she has a net worth of about $8 million – which she managed to accumulate on a government salary of around $110,000/year. Go figure.