An AI-generated speech shouted at the teleprompter by an angry old man on amphetamines

This week was the ridiculous annual spectacle where the president is supposed to tell us the state of our so-called union, as if we don’t already know. That’s a particularly appropriate topic for the current president who was elected on the promise that he would be a “uniter, not divider” who would bring normalcy and decency back to the office.

A few seconds into it, this “uniter, not divider” was implying that the people who disfavor his re-election, a cohort comprising over half the country – and especially his “predecessor” whose name must not be spoken – were in league with Vladimir Putin.

It almost made me miss the good old pre-1989 Democrats who liked Russia.

I suspect that his clumsy intent was to signal to some Democrat judges in pigtails and secretary of state gals that they should bar radicals like GOP Senators Susan Collins and Mitch McConnell from state ballots for being Putin-loving insurrection-izing MAGA poo-poo breath threats-to-democracy/Democrats.

Ah, but the Supreme Court says he can’t bar people from the ballot, you say?

Ha! He sees the Supreme Court as just another threat to Democrats/democracy whose orders can and should be disregarded. He’s already bragging that he flouted their order prohibiting him from shifting billions of dollars of debt from people who incurred it but vote for him to people who didn’t but don’t.

In any event, his SOTU speech was not for substance, it was for style. The Dems knew that the main mission was simply to show that he was woke.

As in not asleep.

Given that, forget about the state of the union. Consider the state of the presidency. When the main mission of the most important speech of the president’s long career is to show he’s not asleep, his state is not good.

He did accomplish that limited mission of showing he wasn’t asleep. The guy shouted at the teleprompter for over an hour. He wasn’t just sleep-talking, and it wasn’t just the meds doing the talking.

No, he was sincerely angry at that teleprompter. And very clearly woke. High as a kite, but woke. Highly woke, and wickedly, wokedly high.

His anger at the teleprompter was a natural consequence of the years of miscommunications between the two. The teleprompter tells him to say something, and he often says something quite different. They’ve been like an old, odd, cranky couple:

“I told you to say Egypt.”

“You did not, you told me to say Mexico!”

“Just watch me, I don’t need no stinkin’ cojinition fest!”

Deep down under those hair plugs, however, he knows it’s the teleprompter – and of course “doctor” Jill – who are his lovers and keepers. (He also whores around with Barack but that’s a different affair.)

But this time the sweet nothings the teleprompter was whispering for him to shout were just cheap tricks. They deserved no respect. I seriously wonder if they were written by Google’s latest AI. His request to Google might have been:

“Google, write me a Spate of the Union steech that’s really a campaign soapbox preach where I blame the Pee-rublicans for inflation, Ukraine, Gaza, the Mexican border, shrinking potato ship rags, my proclivity to touching young girls, and anything else that might get me some boats.”

There was no introduction, no recognition of the tradition and the moment, no rhythm, no transitions. He’d barely taken the podium before he randomly ranted at 114 decibels.

It was like a pitcher in the World Series who starts spitting chew, scratching his crotch and throwing bags of balls at the catcher while he’s still walking out to the mound. Just to show he’s real, real woke.

Like that pitcher, he was woke alright, but wild. He wasn’t all there. I half expected him to bark “Get off my lawn!”

Can we hope for this 80-some-year-old to successfully manage the global threats of Putin and Xi? Is this the guy to successfully puzzle out the intricacies of the Middle East with Netanyahu?

If the answer is “yes” then do we also expect his Vice President to be equally successful after her boss is finally, officially, medically not woke? Pray tell, what has she done to justify such an expectation?